• Pain

    Someone asked me:

    What’s pain?

    I couldn’t reply instantly, my mouth dried up, I fell short of words, I couldn’t look into those swollen red eyes. I couldn’t tell her that I could see pain in her eyes. I couldn’t tell that pain rolled down her eyes, I couldn’t muster up the courage to tell her that I could see pain through her hopeless soul. I could see pain when she knelt down in sujood, when very silently, tears rolled down, when she could say no more, when she placed her hand on her heart and said:
    “God I left you, but You never left me. God can you love me again, God can you help me, please God?”
    I stood there like a fool there and didn’t know what to say, I kept staring at her, as if I was looking in an open space where I could see nothing and everything.

    God bless you all!

    L.A

  • Pierces my heart

    To People and their words

    People will find reasons to mock you, to degrade you, to kill you from inside, to belittle you everytime, to shatter your self-confidence that you have been trying to hold on to for years.
    People will give reasons to hate yourself even more, to leave you in another crisis, to leave you with more doubt, more confusions and so many more questions.

    L.A

  • Can your heart keep my secrets?

    Secrets are not to be told

    Can your heart keep my secrets?

    Secrets are not be told, secrets are meant to be kept safe, secrets have their own kind of sanctity, I feel like secrets are sacred to you.

    Secrets are not meant to be shared, they get nourished inside you, because you give your secrets the water of hope, so that they bloom in your heart

    I think, your heart cannot keep my secrets,
    my secrets will leave your heart, they will enter in unknown hearts, there my secrets will not be nourished, there my secrets will be not be watered, there my secrets will wilt, there my secrets will die in pain slowly.

    Let your secrets bloom in your heart.

    L.A

  • I think you all can relate

    Sometimes when I sit with myself at night all alone, I break down, I begin to cry, I begin to think about my future, I begin to think how ungrateful I am, how unsatisfied I am, how incapable I am, how incompetent I am, how conveniently I am wasting so many minutes, seconds, days, weeks and even months of my life, how I need to keep on working- keep on working very hard, until I reach somewhere, until I achieve something really big that would satisfy my forever insatiated soul.
    I think about the minutes that I am wasting now, and that I have wasted years ago.
    I’m sad, I am broken, I don’t know, it just happens everyday when I am alone, when I have only me, when there is no one around me, when everybody is sleep, I think about the successful people that are way younger than me, I don’t know where I went wrong, who cursed me, who cursed me to see dreams, who cursed me to achieve big things. These dreams, these wishes, seem like a curse to me because everyday, literally, every day I am left broken, mentally tired, bizarre of my own soul, everyday, the story, these thoughts repeat themselves.

    Thank you for reading!

    L.A

    Stuck somewhere
  • An unsaid letter to God

    If there would be a special box, I would have boxed all my worries, tensions, confusions, insecurities, my small moments of happiness, laughter, joy and parceled them to God. I would have waited for Him to reply. Even if it was for years, I would still wait. I would wait, I would wait to hear His words of sympathy, love and care. I would wait for Him. I know a special Dua would definitely replace a special box, dua is my box except for its intangible, its invisible, its the feelings and emotions that I bleed. I constantly remind myself I have the special box in my heart, its very much in me, yet I cannot see it, yet I am still finding tangible boxes. Yet, I am still begging people to make special duas’ for me, yet I am still uncertain if He will listen to me.

    L.A

    Heavy hearts always cry with their Lord
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